Sharing my good feeling states with others, my happiness, insights, and new experiences, is a natural urge, especially when I can see that my friends or loved ones might be struggling, depressed, dejected or confused. When that desire “to help” is rooted in true compassion, my sharing can truly be supportive.
However, one of my most profound and still-developing insights is in the understanding that the simplicity of my silent presence can provide sanctuary and soothing for others when I tender the dejected states in myself that have yet to be met. It is from profound self-attunement, patient attention, inclusion and acceptance that the most skillful actions on behalf of others will flow. When I intentionally practice and cultivate the patience and the courage to be in intimate, direct contact with the fear and pain of my own not-knowing – my own grief, despair, anger, and confusion – I become aware of the field that connects us all, body to body, heart to heart. I notice a quality of consciousness is available in this state, an awareness that can hold my own and our shared human experiences from a perspective that is both loving and neutral, tender and detached.
As I open into this willingness to be with what is true in my own experience, my friend or loved one may perceive or experience the invitation to notice that they, too, are held in this field, that they can contain, integrate, and practice compassion toward those unresolved qualities in themselves. As the unwanted is met and explored, we travel with one another on a precious journey, unfolding the mysteries of ourselves and each other, separation and union, lover and beloved, human and divine.
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