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  • Writer's pictureAnnelisa MacBean

Not Knowing

Just below the compelling storyline of our lives, beneath the colorful emotional landscape of our everyday relationships, there exists a rich and active world of sensations . . . vibrations: a somatically organized network of frequencies we call intelligence, creativity, and aliveness.

In this layer of consciousness is the dizzying unknown. There is no time. It is unguarded, naked, raw … exhilarating, and it can also be disorienting, as the reference points around which we might attempt to organize are in constant motion, sometimes subtle, sometimes intense.

The urge to return to the known, to the physical, material conditions and situations we more easily identify with, to "get hold of my life,” and to renew the trance that we are in control . . . this urge may be generated from a sense of overwhelm as the nervous system can't regulate in the midst of a transformative, fluid, moving moment. The invitation is to honor the longing to return to solid ground while simultaneously surrendering to deep rest, to relaxation, falling into the unstructured nature of pure being, and into the truth of not-knowing. The opportunity here is to find a foothold in the material, physical world that honors both . . . the known and the unknown.

Breathe deeply from your lower belly. Feel your feet on the ground. Lay your hands on your heart. Allow yourself to sink into the mud of the earth while simultaneously opening into the heavens above. Behold the rare opportunity that has been given to know what it is like for spirit to come into form.

While the mind will scramble in its attempt to locate a problem, dare to consider that nothing is wrong, nothing need urgently be resolved, and that no answers are coming … for now. Open instead to the sacredness of the question, which is where you will meet the knowing.

You are in the nonordinary world of unconditioned awareness: strangely familiar but dreamlike and highly creative. Here, there is a primordial sort of trust that no matter what might be going on in your life, nonetheless you have everything you need to fully participate here, to know a causeless joy, and to make meaning of your life in new ways.

While the mind may continue its search for what is wrong—based on a lifetime of innocent attempts to ensure your survival—in this new place there are no “problems,” no complaints, no blaming, nothing to transcend, nothing to be transformed, nothing lacking that must be manifested, and no spell of unworthiness in which to get tangled.

There is no “spirituality” here or any movement to replace one experience with another. No journey to make from multiplicity to oneness. No evidence that you are healed or awakened, or not. Just pure life. A swirling silence of presence, aliveness, intimacy, and warmth.

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