Trauma occurs when our capacity to process emotional and somatic experience is overwhelmed.
One of the things we know about trauma is that it’s not so much about what happens that causes an experience to be embodied as trauma, but how it comes to be organized in the nervous system.
The drama or event that occurs is not really, in and of itself, the trauma. Dramatic things happen to all of us throughout our lives. Not every dramatic event is traumatic. Trauma occurs when we experience the disorganization that any dramatic event might catalyze but we are unable to hold, metabolize and reorganize on our own.
We might see trauma as involving two core components: overwhelming experience, on the one hand, and the felt experience of aloneness on the other. Not only do we have these very unworkable, terrifying flooding images, feelings, and sensations, but at some very basic level we’re alone with all that.
Perhaps it is the aloneness, in the end, that is so devastating to us as sensitive, relational human beings.
As children, with unsophisticated nervous systems, we are reliant upon the nervous systems of our primary adults to re-source ourselves, to return to a sense of equlibrium, stability and safety. Was there an empathic other there to support and contain you in circumstances that would otherwise be fragmenting?
More than anything, the neural network is updated by way of an embodied, felt sense of safety. When we are blessed with the healing attention of someone who can be present to our experiences we essentially imprint their empathic attention, moving through the somatic experience of receiving, regulation and rest. We learn, over time, to internalize the kind focus and patience that sourced us as children, so a reflexive and aware navigation of the bodily, sensory impact of dramatic events as we mature becomes available to us.
Most of us didn't have consistent attending, so as adults we are still journeying inside our neural networks where the holding of unprocessed, unmet, unresolved soul-material awaits the infusion of qualities and experiences not previously available: trust, courage, companionship, validation, love.
As an act of mercy and compassion, we are asked to take care of that frozen, confused one who has become stuck in the time machine of trauma and implicit memory, to ensure that he or she is not alone.
Can you genuinely and intentionally listen to your body, be present to the parts of your psyche that have not been updated and hold them in your consciousness and heart so they’re able to feel felt and understood? More than anything can they sense that they are safe now, perhaps for the first time ever? What is needed now to invite the shattered ones into a field of safety where they can be seen and known?
What do you need now to be able to bear witness to the untold story as it unfolds across verbal, somatic, and autonomic narratives? As the adult you are now, reading this blog, where in your body are you carrying the kindness and compassion of your therapist, the reflection of love and tenderness of your friends, the warmth and acceptance of strangers . . . how are you sorting and storing recovery and healing in your body? In your mind?
Perhaps, you might notice that at a certain point, the resolution or repair of trauma need no longer be dramatic, cost thousands of dollars or take 20 more years of intensive therapeutic "work" . . . in a quiet moment, on a hike, sitting in the woods or by the sea, you can be integrating the healing journey you are on . . . whisper to those tender parts; let them know you know . . . “Yes, I hear you, I see you, I want to know you, hold you, care for you, listen to you. I will not forget you. I will not forsake you. You are no longer alone. You are safe now.”
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