by Sat Shree
My realization is that iAM. This ‘AM’ is the SUBSTANCE of EXISTENCE. The ‘i’ is the personality, mind and the like; these are later developments. This ‘i’ is infinitely smaller than the ‘AM’ but only through the ‘i’ can the ‘AM’know itself.
Let me tell you the story of iAM, a journey of consciousness:
First there was the ‘AM’ then after awhile there was the ‘i’ (this took a long time but things are being condensed here a bit). The ‘AMi’ is ALIVE but doesn’t know it. This created the question “AMi’?
This took a long time to answer but finally the ‘i’ became self aware, it WOKE UP and became an ‘I’. The ‘I’ felt it was more important than the ‘AM’ and put itself FIRST. It took the ‘AM’ for granted. To the ‘I’ the ‘AM’ became an ‘am’forming an ‘Iam’, also known as a HUMAN BEING. This was unfortunate as it created some nasty side effects…
One of which is that without the ‘AM’ the ‘Iam’ feels something is MISSING. But doesn’t know what it is. It causes an EMPTINESS, a feeling that there is never ENOUGH.
These ‘Iam’er’s are so distracted in this state that they can’t think clearly. They come to believe that any thing important is OUTSIDE of themselves. A kind of FRENZY happens.
All the ‘Iam’ers COMPETE with each other for what is NEVER ENOUGH, trying to FILL the INNER EMPTINESS with outside STUFF trying to GET what is MISSING inside. All this GETTING puts all of their attention OUTSIDE of themselves. They seek OTHERS to FILL the EMPTINESS through RELATIONSHIPS and collect STUFF (money, security, power, things, etc.) to reassure themselves they have ENOUGH.
All the ‘Iam’ers are trying to do the same thing. This creates a lot of STRESS, STRIFE, COMPETITION and the like. Worst they have to try to PROTECT and HANG ON to the STUFF; the THINGS, the MONEY or the RELATIONSHIP when they get it. This just makes them more FRANTIC, SUSPICIOUS and COMPETITIVE. It is a SORRY state of affairs.
The ‘Iam’ers end up feeling FRUSTRATED, ANGRY or ALONE, NEEDY, HELPLESS and FEARFUL. Unfortunately this has to go on for a long, long time before somebody notices this sorry state. This is because everyone is in the same condition.
‘Iam’ers are always trying to correct this predicament by FIXING the world around them. Of course they are SURE they KNOW how to FIX things. They believe they are RIGHT about it. Often they start FIGHTING other ‘Iam’ers over who is the most RIGHT. This goes on for a long time too…
Finally one day, after much HUMILIATION, a few of these ‘Iam’ers discover they are TRAPPED by all this. They become aware of the INNER dimension of LIFE. All this humiliation makes them HUMBLE. The ‘I’ part of the ‘Iam’erSURRENDERS and becomes the ‘i’, a humble version of the ‘I’. They learn to SEE things as they ARE, not how they WISH or WANT them to be. They REALIZE they are a part of the PROBLEM and start FIXING themselves.
A day comes when something wonderful happens; this new humble ‘i’ meets the ‘AM’ after EONS of separation. For a brief moment they become the ‘iAM’, they are ONE, together again but now they are FULLY AWARE of each other. This is a very happy REUNION indeed! The EMPTINESS becomes FULLNESS and there is a feeling that nothing is MISSING. Unfortunately this does NOT LAST very long. But the TASTE of this AWAKENS a FIERCE DESIRE to have this experience again.
This new, inspired ‘i’ STRIVES hard to have the experience again. It seeks to LEARN everything it can about the ‘AM’. It reads books, goes on pilgrimages and seeks teachers that can give them KNOWLEDGE about the ‘AM’ and show them how to recover this experience.
This can take a LONG time but eventually the ‘i’ experiences the ONE-ness again, then again and again until the ‘i’ merges with the ‘AM’ and becomes the ‘iAM’. This is a very, very HAPPY condition indeed!
So what is it like to be the ‘iAM’? You KNOW you cannot DIE. It can’t be explained but it is a CERTAINTY. The mind can fade, the personality can disappear the body can die but YOU, the ‘iAM’ is ETERNAL, UNCHANGING. You know this with a CERTAINTY that grows stronger with time. And with this FEAR dies. The death of fear is the beginning of REAL LIVING.
You KNOW that LIFE, everyone and everything, is part of the same ‘AM’, the same STUFF. There is only one ‘AM’ although there are innumerable forms of ‘i’s…flowers, trees, bugs, animals, etc, etc, even people, everything LIVING is an expression of IT.
When you are the ‘iAM’ you are neither HAPPY nor SAD. You REST in a state of SERENITY which is TRUTH, it is the stuff from which all LIFE and HAPPINESS flows. MOODS come and go…but YOU are TRANSPARENT and untouched by them, they are like LINES in WATER. You live in a state that varies from TRANQUIL PATIENCE and ACCEPTANCE, to SERENITY to JOYOUS DELIGHT.
Everywhere you MEET your SELF, it is all YOU! You feel INTIMATE with each part of the Creation. You are surrounded by many forms of YOURSELF…everywhere, in all things and in every one. At times this makes you feel very, very FULL and WHOLE. There ARISES sometimes VIGOR, a JOY of LIFE and a kind of POSITIVE, spontaneous WILL to BE, to EXPRESS, to CREATE.
YET you know there is nothing else to DO, GAIN or ATTAIN. Nothing is MISSING. It is a feeling of having no shortage, even when there is nothing left in the cupboards or in the bank…there is always ENOUGH. You feel part of the FLOW of LIFE that is going on in the background… the ‘iAM’ KNOWS everything has a reason. LIFE is UP TO SOMETHING and you are PART of IT...you have a PLACE and a PURPOSE.
One who has become the ‘iAM’ has this unshakable feeling of SUFFICIENCY. Whatever is in your life is FINE just AS IT IS, even when it isn’t working or seems to be going poorly. For you everyday is NEW, even when nothing has changed outwardly, INSIDE you are in a state of quiet WONDER…
There is a natural GRATITUDE for what one has and ACCEPTANCE for what is not, be it food, shelter, money, happiness, health…whatever was once important, you name it. There is this APPRECIATION for the smallest things…a smile of a child, the color of a flower, the wind blowing through the trees. There is no need for you to DO anything or ATTAIN anything. You have it ALL already. You are THERE, FULL and COMPLETE as you ARE and AS IT IS.
When you become the ‘iAM’ TIME ENDS. You live in the NOW, the ETERNAL PRESENT. The past and future are there and can be interesting, but for you the only TIME is the HERE and NOW. So days, weeks and months COME and GO but the NOW is always HERE, unchanging.
When you become the ‘iAM’ the MIND becomes QUIET, even SILENT. Thinking HAPPENS but it doesn’t TOUCH you. You are now the MASTER of your MIND. It OBEYS your WILL. If there is a NEED to THINK you can RESPOND to the SIGNAL that arises in the MOMENT. There is no ANXIETY, FEAR or DESIRE driving these THOUGHTS. They arise from an unending TRANQULITY, a sea of SILENCE.
These are just some of the symptoms you may experience when you make this SHIFT from being the ‘Iam’ to being the ‘iAM’. When any of these begin to happen you can know something WONDERFUL is MANIFESTING as YOU.