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  • Writer's pictureAnnelisa MacBean


So often we can believe that shame related to trauma, wounding, and other sensitivities, is evidence that something’s wrong with us, and that we’re broken and beyond repair, we're responsible or at fault, or failures in the human experiment. Even when we “know” this isn’t true, our cortical knowing is no match for the subcortical contradiction in our limbic and bodily circuitry, where unmetabolized grief, sadness, and rage dwell as the shattered children of our unlived lives. The emotional pain is tragic in and of itself, but underneath lies a psychic homelessness, a deep sense that we’re alone, which is really at the root of trauma. It is here that we long for the missing sense of connection, belonging . . . companionship. As human beings, we are wired to co-regulate. We are wired to discover ourselves, know ourselves, rest, explore, and play within a relational field. We were not created to “do it all on our own” - the nervous systems that operate within this particular universe are designed to blossom and grow in relationship. We can do so much for one another, to transmute personal, collective, and transgenerational trauma and trance: The words we use, the softness in our eyes, our presence when we listen, taking the time and the care to ensure that the other feels felt and understood. So many of us are living in a way that is oriented to a felt sense of what's not safe, justifying why it's not OK to be who and what we are. If you want to help someone in your life, start by finding safety in your own body/heart as a means to helping them to feel safe. The body knows, the heart knows, how just one moment of safety, one moment of secure authenticity, ripples out into the neural circuitry of the world.

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