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  • Writer's pictureAnnelisa MacBean

Transforming Old Habits

When you feel yourself caught in the shaming and blaming storyline, the victim story, attacking those around you for the ways they have wronged you, or attacking yourself for betraying yourself . . . it can take a tremendous amount of life force, energy and focus to interrupt the momentum of the old reactive pattern. Habitual reaction to a tsunami of emotions and old beliefs occurs almost automatically, until there is some awareness and eventually some capacity to pause and redirect that intensity. It can feel so urgent, the habit of spinning, reeling in the drama, the need for relief from the internal pressure can become the only priority. Disconnecting from your senses, abandoning your vulnerability, leaving behind the tenderness in the belly, and losing connection to the life force as it screams through your system . . . your only inner directive is to discharge all that movement, energy and inner force . . . to move it out of your body. Doing so releases that force into the environment around you. It is too often then absorbed by the bodies around you. It is in these moments of intensity that the possibility for transformation is most alive. As the energy accumulates and you are approaching maximum capacity, on the verge of explosion, can you see a different path, is there space for a breath? It’s right here that you can begin to notice the tender pain at the eye of the storm. Right now is when you can encode new circuitry, lay in a new groove that might calm your overstimulated nervous system. In order for the new pathway to take solid accessible form, it must be fueled by action, by making a new choice, by doing something differently in a moment of activation. To train yourself to come out of a looping, unhelpful narrative and into the immediacy of your experience is a revolutionary act that upends the status quo of billions of moments of abandonment, dissociation, and self-aggression. While it often feels impossible in the moment, you can discover for yourself that you are the alchemist of our own body, psyche, and heart. Begin experimenting. Have no expectation of perfection. Experiment with progressively bringing this new way of being with yourself into the world. If you are reading this, then the time is now. It is needed now, more than ever.

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