Wandering Thoughts & Insights from

Annelisa

Homecoming

One night, after a thousand years of running the kingdom alone, the tired king of your heart heard a small knock inside his chest. He opened the door and found a child . . . mud on her feet, light in her eyes, carrying the sun she had stolen from her own tomorrow. “Do you remember me?” she asked. “I have been guarding your wonder.” The king fell to his knees. All his armor turned to rain. Every rule he’d written about strength and survival melted into the dust at her feet. Th

annelisamacbeanphd

Nov 25, 20251 min read

Reparenting with an Inner Mentor

There comes a point in every healing journey when insight is no longer enough. We can name our trauma, trace our lineage, map our attachment style . . . and still feel the ache of a child who has never been met. Awareness without experience only sharpens the edges of self-knowledge. At some point, the heart needs to be held. The Birth of the Inner Parent In the wake of adultification, the psyche is left with a missing figure . . . the true inner parent. Winnicott called it th

annelisamacbeanphd

Nov 19, 20256 min read

Adultified Children in Partnership

Most couples don’t come to therapy because they’ve fallen out of love. They come because they’re drowning and confused and lost. They can't figure it out anymore. They aren't employing the tools they know they could be using . . . they want to, but don't . . . or can't. Beneath the arguments about time, money, sex or parenting lies a deeper story: two adultified children still doing the only relationship dance they know how to do. How Adultification Begins In a healthy family

annelisamacbeanphd

Nov 12, 20255 min read

The Adultified Identity

Grown up, But Living From the Child’s Survival Strategy My lovely, 40-year-old client, a therapist herself, sits in my office, shoulders squared, voice steady. “I’m fine,” she says. “I just don’t understand why I can’t feel fine.” Her life looks enviable . . . reliable income, caring partner, healthy body, beautiful son. Yet beneath the smooth surface runs a subterranean panic: What if it all falls apart? What if they finally see I don’t know what I’m doing? This is the para

annelisamacbeanphd

Nov 5, 20255 min read

From Parentified to Adultified

When Growing Up Becomes a Performance I have a client who is 47, accomplished, and respected in his field. He meditates daily, journals before bed, attends couples therapy every other Tuesday. By all appearances, he’s a grown man. Yet each morning he wakes to the same silent verdict: not enough. No matter what he builds . . . great career, beautiful family, social identity . . . his foundation keeps trembling. There’s always another summit to scale, another wound to outgrow,

annelisamacbeanphd

Oct 30, 20254 min read